We were SO excited to find out that we were expecting last summer. :) I loved each moment of the pregnancy. In the beginning of the pregnancy, the only difficult part was having to begin a Gluten-Free diet. Before I found out we were expecting, I was seeing a Gastroenterologist, who was about to test me for Celiac's Disease. So, once I found out we were expecting, I had to just eat as if I were a Celiac, otherwise, my body would have basically starved the baby. :( So, I began a Gluten-Free diet and stuck to it. As the pregnancy progressed, I began to notice that I wasn't as large as I normally was during pregnancy. I have been known to gain up to 80 pounds during pregnancy. (That was with our oldest, Kaylee. We lived out of town and I ate Peanut Butter cookies like they were going out of style...but that is another story for another post. :) ). Anyway, around the 17th week, I just had this feeling that something was wrong because my belly wasn't growing, like usual. Knowing that I tend to be a worrier by nature, she told me that everything checked out fine and that I was probably just a little extra worried this pregnancy because we had a miscarriage the previous year. Also, my new Gluten-Free diet probably played a role in my slower weight gain. I figured she did have a point, so I TRIED hard not to worry.
We were so excited for the ultrasound! We had our five girls there and my parents. We were all really excited and marveled at our newest blessing on screen in front of us. :) She was just amazing! The tech was wonderful to point out everything to my parents and we found out it was anther girl! ;) We were just thrilled to be having another little girl! Everything went great until the tech came back into the room and told us we had to go immediately to see a Perinatologist and have another ultrasound done across the street. :( All she told us at the time was that our baby had calcifications that showed up near the bowels and also she was measuring small for her dates and had low amniotic fluid. She said that those things can be an indicator of a fetal infection, or possibly a chromosomal abnormality. I was a wreck. I balled and balled.
The wait in the waiting room seemed to be an eternity as we wondered what was going on with our little one. I could not stop crying. Finally, we went in and had another ultrasound, which verified what the other tech told us. We saw the Perinatologist, who told us that it looked as if our baby most likely had an infection. She said that Fetal infections were most often fatal and she said that it could be three things: Either a fetal infection (such as toxoplasmosis, fifth disease, CMV, or Listeria), a one time trauma to the bowels, where something happened and the baby is trying to recover (This was our best hope), or a possible chromosomal abnormality with a malabsorption problem, which would be very serious as well.
She did say that the baby could have another type of chromosomal abnormality which didn't involve the malabsorption problem. I can remember talking to the Perinatologist and the news was so hard to take. She would tell us a piece of information and my brain was still trying to get a hold of that while she was continuing to tell us more. The rest of what she would say sounded like the adults on the Charlie Brown cartoons. All I could hear was "blah blah blah blah blah." :( Then, we were hit with the question that still bothers me to this day. We were asked right there if we wanted to end the pregnancy. It is so hard for me to even type this. I instantly said, "There is NO way we would EVER do that." The Perinatologist told us that she figured that this would be our answer based on some of our previous comments. I told her that we believed in miracles and that we were going to pray for one for our baby. She just kind of looked at me with an expression that I read as "Good luck with that." She was very gloom and doom. Her words and actions did not display any feelings of hope for our baby.
I went home sobbing uncontrollably and once we got home, I immediately composed an e-mail of our urgent prayer request and sent it to friends and family. We were amazed at the outpouring of love we received from so many who were praying for our little sweetie. So many who were passing on our request to others and passing it on to prayer groups. This truly amazed us. We couldn't have been more grateful and all of those prayers were so appreciated and brought us so much peace during a time when we would have fallen apart. To this day, just thinking of the kindness and love that so many people showed our family by praying for her and for our family, brings tears to my eyes.
We were told by the Perinatologist that our options were to have an Amniocentesis to see what type of infection she has. Then we would know what was going on with our baby. We did not want to do that because we didn't want to take a risk of losing her because of the procedure. So, we decided against it. Well, we ended up talking again to the Perinatologist and she said that if we knew what type of infection it was, we might be able to treat her in utero. We didn't realize this in the beginning, so we prayed about it and felt that we needed to get the Amnio so we could have the chance of helping our baby. We also in the meantime got a second opinion, which pretty much gave us the same diagnosis. :( We had the Amnio the week of Thanksgiving, so we had a LONG wait for the results. Meanwhile, I had daily prayer requests and updates going out to friends and family, who were passing them on to their friends and family and prayer groups. We were so grateful to everyone that was praying for our sweetie. We finally were given the exciting news that the Amnio showed no sign of fetal infection!!! :) We praised the Lord for that answered prayer. It also showed no chromosomal abnormalities. A week later, our results for Cystic Fibrosis came back negative also. We were so excited with these wonderful results. :) The Perinatologist decided that we would just monitor her with ultrasounds. We had them every couple of weeks and on the 4th week, we had a complete growth ultrasound. Our first one showed no more calcifications, which was another answer to prayer. :) The baby was still just small for her dates. She was small, but mighty. We knew she was a little fighter. We continued to update everyone praying for her and they continued to pray, as we did that she would grow and be healthy. Each ultrasound showed that she was growing, but still tiny for dates. We had no idea what was going on and why she was small. I prayed a lot and truly felt God was in the room with me while I prayed to Him. I could honestly feel His presence. It was amazing to know He was there and that He had Katie in His care. Each visit to my Perinatologist was harder and harder to take. She is one of those worst case scenario doctors. You know the kind that focuses on the worst possible outcome and then if it is not that, that's great. Well, I like a more positive attitude in my doctors, one that will give me a shred of hope, but she just didn't have any of that to offer us throughout this entire time. We were just so thankful for so many prayer warriers and encouraging friends and family that sent me encouraging e-mails, and verses to meditate on. At one point, when the Peri actually told us that she believed there was something wrong with our baby and we would have to wait until she was born to see what it was, I asked if people would send me scripture that they felt would be a comfort to us. What was amazing was that we got the same two verses from practically everyone who sent them to us....The first one was Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God." and the second one was Psalm 139:14 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." I meditated on these constantly. I had them hanging up in our house. The photo on this blog of Katie in front of that pillow that says, "Wonderfully made Psalm 139:14" is very precious to me because that was a verse I recited constantly throughout her pregnancy to remember that there was nothing "wrong" with her as the doctor kept telling us. God made her and his works are wonderful. :) It brought me peace and I HAD to get that pillow when I saw it as a precious keepsake for her....although I was upset when I saw that they messed up on the pillow and put Psalm 139:4, rather that 139:14. :*( That's OK....We know what it is. :) Another verse that was sent to us was Psalm 118:8, "It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man." I really liked this one. It brought me peace as well and I recited this one to myself after each appointment....although, in this case, it was "It is better to take refuge in the Lord, than to trust in WOMAN." :) She didn't know what was going on with our baby that made her so small for her dates, but the Lord knew all along. This brought us peace. :)
Towards the end of the pregnancy, the Amniotic Fluid began to get a little less and the baby was around the 10th percentile, so our Perinatologist decided to do ultrasounds two times each week. We would go in for Biophysical profile ultrasounds and then every third week, they would do a full growth ultrasound. The Biophysical profiles would score them on a point system. They would measure amniotic fluid levels, the baby's movement, or muscle tone and see if the baby was practicing her breathing. They also just checked her out to make sure she was doing well in other ways. Katie scored the highest on each one of her Biophysical Profiles. :) She was doing great! :) It was such a joy to get to see her so many times and I felt such a connection to her. It was as if I already knew her little personality. :) At one point, when I was really worried about her and struggling with wondering if she was alright, The technician zoomed in on her face and hand and I am not joking, she gave me the thumbs up sign. :) It was as if she were telling me, "Don't worry, Mommy. I'm OK in here." :) I felt that the ultrasounds were a blessing. It was fun to get to peek at her so much. It brought joy to my heart.
At 36 weeks, when I went in for my Biophysical Ultrasound, the technician found the Amniotic Fluid to be "dangerously low." So, the Perinatologist came in and told us it was time to have our baby. She wanted me to be induced immediately. I wasn't even allowed to go home to get my bag and give our girls a kiss. She said that if we didn't induce that we could lose our baby. My sweet Dad, who brought me to all my twice/week ultrasounds, was with me and he escorted me to the hospital while we called John to meet us there and my mom to inform the girls. I was feeling excited to meet our little sweetie, but was upset because I wasn't ready. I wanted her to stay in there longer to get bigger so that she would have a better chance. I also didn't have anything set up at home yet. We were planning to do that during the weekend that was coming up.
I was sad to know that the pregnancy was coming to an end. I truly enjoyed being pregnant and treasured feeling each and every little movement coming from her. Throughout the pregnancy, one thing that kept me going was imagining rocking our precious, baby in my arms. That is a vision that went through my mind as we were driving to the hospital. I was so excited to finally get to hold her and rock my precious Katie and I just prayed that she would be OK.
Katie just turned 4 months old today, so I tried to take her special pictures. There is something going on with the flash, so these look better in black & white. They were really dark in color. The color photos were actually taken a couple of weeks ago. :)
